Tortuegurero. The good, the bad, the stupid swallowed seed...

After several days of laying on the beach in Cahuita, we paid for an all inclusive tour to tortueguro. The tour company said the package included a taxi to port city where we would take a 4 hour boat tour to the Island, a night tour/hike, a hotel room with air conditioning (a first since I have been in C.A.), Caribean breakfast, and a very early morning tour by canoe. They failed to mention that we would have to deal with Mr. Jerkface of the year.

The taxi ride was to the port city of Main was nice. I sat in the front and sucked in the air conditioning. The driver was the same guy who sold us the package, he didn't want to fee split too much... He was funny and stopped at a natural juice place where I ordered up a squeezed on the spot orange/carrot juice drink.

When we got to the boat, we had to wait over an hour for the boat man to fetch gasoline. How lame, he knew we were coming, and didn´t even go for the gas until we had been there over 30 minutes. It was miserable waiting. It was hot and ugly. We were on some sort of inlet from a river. It smelled bad, there were British women and Italians complaining the entire time. They definately were in the right to complain, but they didn´t have to be so whinny. However, the boat ride made up for the wait.

We traversed jungle canals that looked like a small amazon. I saw tons of different birds including kingfishers, herons, parrots, and many more I couldn't identify.





There were turtles, lizards (called Basilisk or as the local call them - Jesus because they can run on water), and butterflies.







The most exciting was the crocodiles. They were huge!





The cutest was the fruit bats. Our guide found an entire family just chilling on a tree. We we pulled alongside them they all started dancing. I wanted to take them home so bad. I can see it now, my pet dancing fruit bats. I would play my favorite dance tunes for them everyday and my neighbors would be so envious. ;)



In addition to the animals, the scenery was absolutely beautiful.





When we got to the island, we were met by our guide. At first he was professional and courteous. These qualities faded with the sunset.

We settled into our room and tested out the AC. It was a unit that rolled around. After using it just a few minutes, a puddle of water formed. We went to complain, but couldn't find anyone to complain to? Instead we got some late lunch/early dinner. While eating I overheard the waitress telling another table that there was a lady giving hour massages for 20$. I raised my hand and signed up for one at five. I figured even if the gal wasn't properly trained, 20$ was a deal I couldn't pass up. I had just enough time to go to the beach for an hour, get my mediocore massage and get ready for our tour at 7:15p.m.

It gets dark at 6:00p.m. in C.A. (year round) so we wore our repellent, long pants, and our head lamps. Our guide showed up a little late and we headed out on our hike. We were going to see green sea turtles, but I didn't really know what to expect... I figured we would go to some observatory platform and hope for a turtle, no guarantees. I should be used to being wrong by now...

We hiked for several miles and finally came to a spot where we met up with park rangers. They gave us passed (included in our package) and we were told which inlet to go to in order to see the turtles. We took off fast because our guide explained that the turtle could be gone by the time we got there.

My legs were burning and I was dripping in sweat by the time we reached out spot. The national park is set up so there is a long path that runs along the beach, but in the jungle. And it was pretty scary looking jungle, like the jungle was mad there was a path in the way and was attempting to take it back. There were always vines and branches overhead, some we had to duck to pass through. Every 100 meters there was a sign and a path to the beach. When we got to sign number 57, we turned off our lights and headed in the dark to the beach. When we got there, the ranger told our guide that the turtle hit a root and changed her mind about nesting.

I was thinking, this is bull. They are playing with us. That is why there are no guarantees!

Our guide said to follow him and we did. I was shocked when we arrived at a 400 pound sea turtle making its way to the back to the sea. Wow.

I was also shocked when our guide instructed us to get within a foot of the fleeing turtle. He explained that she was digging her nest and hit a tree root. She would return later that night to a different spot. The turtle was huge and majestic. I could hardly believe I was so close. It also made me uncomfortable because I know turtles can smell people and I was thinking all my bug spray must be freaking her out.

I was shocked in a different way when our guide squatted down and pointed at her tail and said "look her pussy." Talk about inappropriate. He then went on to describe the male turtle and told us "it has a dick this long," and held up his hands really wide apart. I was trying to convince myself this was a language barrier and he probably didn't know he was being offensive. This thought flew out the door when he bragged that the eggs were fertilized by many different males. He told us with a sneer that turtles were whores. I was disgusted.

On the way back to the ranger, our guide admitted he couldn't wait to go to the bar later that night. I decided as punishment for being a pig, I would keep him from his goal for as long as possible. I was a paying customer and unfortunately I had paid up front. As a consolation, I figured the most he was getting for his time was $10.

The ranger said if we waited we could see another turtle laying eggs. She was currently digging her hole about 30 feet away. Our guide suggested we leave, claiming we already saw a turtle and that they all looked the same. I insisted we stay. Ha, passive aggressive punishment.

As were waiting, we saw five other turtles come onto the beach. Two turned back and it was explained that they didn't like to be too close to each other. Just then the turtle we had been waiting to dig her nest abruptly left. I felt horrible. I was afraid my ecoturism was destroying the peace of her nesting. I figured she was leaving because she could small my Deet.

We watched her make her slow journey to the beach and then the ranger told us she left because she unearthed another turtles nest. To prove his point he pointed a red light (no white lights are allowed on the beach because it scars the turtles) at the whole and I saw broken eggs scattered everywhere. I was relived it wasn't me and sad that the nest had been disturbed.

Uncovering other momma turtles nests is bound to happen. Apparently during nesting season, 2000-3000 turtles come to the park each night to nest. No wonder we saw 5 come onto the beach where we were hanging out within 10 minutes.

We were assured that just a few more feet away there was another turtle about to finish digging her hole. Again I insisted we wait. My Canadian friend was with me. Our guide said he was going to go take a piss. In a few minutes there was an awful smell. My friend looked at me and said, "did the ranger just fart." I realized our guide went to take a dump AND he didn't go far enough. I almost retched when it dawned on me that we were smelling his nasty poo. I felt traumatized.

When he got back we told us to sit on a log with him. I refused. He tried to push me by my shoulder, I shook him off. My comfort level was definitely being pushed to its limit. My friend sat. He started calling my her baby, asking if she was going to the bar later and complained to her that later he would have to give his money to a woman. He made the universal sign for jerking off as he said this. I was about start screaming with feminist rage when the ranger rushed over and grabbed us. We went to the turtle and the ranger held up the red light.

WOW. I was witnessing a enormous turtle laying eggs. It was completely unreal. Sometimes one egg would fall, then two or three at a time. They were the size of ping pong balls. For the moment I forgot about our nasty ass guide. We were allowed to watch for just a minute. When we were done I finally said I was ready to leave.

On the long hike back I had mixed emotions. I had witness something majestic and rare. At the same time I was thinking this guy walking in front of me deserves to be in jail. It is guys like him that make the trafficking of women profitable. He is a oppressor, a spreader of disease and violence against women, my enemy! I also knew that the jungle we were walking through was very unsafe. If we were alone, we would most certainly be robbed and maybe even assaulted. In addition, we were on a island with no cars, no phones, no Internet, and no other friends. If this guy wanted he could have us thrown out of our hotel he had arranged as part of our package with nowhere to sleep. Talk about conflict.

I had a bottle of water sticking out of my back pocket. He asked if I had any water. I played coy and said "ya I'm good, thanks." Then he made the signal like he was drinking water. I pretended not to understand. When he asked for a drink I really wanted to say NO! I rarely feel like I hate someone. I hate that guide. I reluctantly handed over my water. After he took several swings he tried to give it back. He didn't even try the pour without touching the mouth technique you're supposed to do with strangers!!! Outrageous. I told him to keep it and gave him my dirtiest look. He got my point.

My friend asked if he was going to the bar, how was he going to be awake at 5:00 a.m to take us on our canoe tour. He said some other guy would be our guide for that tour. YES. I had already decided not to go because I would in all likelihood toss him into the river when I saw a crocodile.

When we got back to our hotel room, it was completely flooded. We finally found someone to get us a new room. As soon as we turned on the air in that room, a small puddle again started to form. Ug. Traveling is really difficult. We picked up everything from the floor and decided having cool air to sleep outweighed the hassle of wading through water in the morning.

We woke at 4:45 to go on our canoe tour. It was worth it! Our guide put us in a boat and paddled us around these tiny river canals. It was straight out of the the Jungle Book. We couldn´t go 50 feet without seeing wildlife.







Again we saw birds everywhere. There were kingfishers, parrots, parakeets, toucans, black hawks, herons, snake fish birds, and much more.





We saw the giant blue butterfly that always managed to escape the lens of my camera.

There were several troops of monkeys, including howlers, white faced, and spider monkeys.

Adorable river otters played around out boat.

We saw several large Basilisks and we even saw one run on the water. It was stunning.

At one point we left the canoe and went to find the poisonous red frog. We found him and he was so much smaller than I had imagined. We saw other frogs and river turtles as well.



There were lots of little caymans. There are like small crocodiles.



The most impressive was an enormous iguana. It was the size of a large dog. He was way up in a tree and ran off before I was able to get a picture.

The only bad part of the tour was that I was very tired. I had brought leeche, a Chinese fruit that in very popular in C.A. It looks like this.



You crack the peel and toss the fruit covered seed into your mouth and chew off the fruit part. I started eating them as an attempt to try to stay awake. The rowing and the jungle noises were acting like a lullaby. I was about to spit out my first leeche fruit, which tastes citrusy, and accidentally swallowed it. The seed is the size of a apricot seed. Not exactly easy going down.

My stomach started making weird noises and felt like there was something alive in there. This lasted all day! Every thirty minutes or so my tummy would go gurgle, gurp, gurgle, gup and shake my body. I was imagining my stomach acids working full time to break down the giant seed and hoping it didn´t cause an ulcer... I was fine the next day.