Autographs Anyone?

FYI: the time difference between Mumbai, India and the West Coast 13 hours. When it is 7:00 pm in California on Monday, it is 8:00 am in Mumbai on Tuesday. Jeni and I lost a day on the plane trip.

So my mom wants to know why our pedicures at a four star hotel were cancelled…As Jeni and I were returning from the Internet, lassi and shopping excursion to the cool serenity of our hotel room, we were approached by a casting director/agent. His name was Nashir Hussain, a 29 year old native Indian who left his job as a graphic designer to pursue a career in the Bollywood industry.

I was offered a speaking role in a real Bollywood film for the flat rate of 500 rupees ($12.50.) After asking to see identification and working out a few details, I agreed to be picked up outside of my hotel at 1:00pm that afternoon.

1:03 pm- Nashir and his partner Mukesh, picked up Jeni (my new Manager) and myself in a taxi and whisked us off to the Churchgate train station. We had looked on the map and could see that where we were going was well over an hour away, however we were planning on making a similar trip to see the Sanjay Gandhi National Park, so we considered the train trip practice for when we would have to navigate on our own.

Side Note: Jeni and I were being cautious, but we were not fearful, Mumbai is well known for recruiting foreigners for films. In addition, Nashir had advised us not to bring valuables, so we knew we were not being set up for a robbery.

Nashir and Mukesh arranged all of our transportation for the trip along the way. On the train, we found out that we would be going to a bungalow on Mudd Island. From the train, we hopped on a public bus, then the four of us squeezed into a motor-rickshaw and zoomed through the narrow dirt paths of a fishing village. Next, we hurried onto a ferry, along with villagers, men with motorcycles, women caring baskets, etc. Once on the shore of Mudd Island, we took another bus and reached our destination at about 2:30 pm. From the train onwards, Jeni and I were the only non-Indians. People would point us out to each other, staring and often giggling. Around 6-8 inches taller than almost everyone else, we are a sight to see.

At the filming site, Nashir gave us a tour which included a Florida style, palm tree encircled grass area, hut like changing rooms in the back and finally the bungalow, with cameras, lights, cables, over 30 Indian men working or sitting around waiting for a task, actresses and actors and the directors. My stomach flip-flopped a little when I saw the different sets. They instantly screamed porn! I quickly remembered however, that Indian films are exceptionally cheesy and the brighter and more mismatched colors, the better. We were introduced, fed and stuck in the only air conditioned room with the main female star. I could hardly believe what was happening.
The title of the film is “Dil Da Mamla,” which roughly translates as “Matters of the Heart.” I learned that I would be playing the role of the villain’s English wife. The story is that he leaves his Indian wife in India and moves to England were he marries my character. The story is about the Indian wife he left behind and her struggle to find happiness after being abused and deserted. As is the case on any Hollywood set, we didn’t know for sure when my scene would start. So, for the next 5 hours we had to entertain ourselves. This included reading, playing cards, singing American hip-hop songs, being challenged to arm wrestling matches(!), learning Hindi, taking shots of hot Chai, having my make-up done by men, and negotiating my wardrobe.
There is an impression, probably from the music videos on MTV, that all western women dress like hoochie mamas from the late 80’s, early 90’s. They wanted me to wear a half top and short shorts, while everyone else on the set was conservatively dressed in Indian garb. I convinced them that the outfit they were suggesting would not be the most flattering given my body type. It helped that they didn’t actually have this outfit they described to me. In fact, one of the directors waited until Nashir was away and asked me how much they would have to pay me in order to cut the pants I was wearing into short shorts. I tried to explain that this would not work because I would have to travel back through the city in short shorts! My Manager (Jeni) stepped in and put her foot down. We settled on me wearing the tank top I had under my long sleeve shirt, with my black dress pants rolled up under themselves like really thick (and not to mention, ugly) biker shorts. When Nashir returned from his smoke break and saw my outfit, he started laughing. I explained the hoochie mama/cutting pants situation and he firmly told me not to cut my pants and not to talk to anyone without him. He added that I looked ridiculous, but that it was not his movie.

So after what seemed like forever, I was called to the set to give my performance. My scene is as follows: my Indian husband (Bhupi) and I enter our house from a date, laughing and see an Indian woman sitting on the couch (his wife I do not know about). I notice her and say “Who is she?” Bhupi yells at her in Hindi to go make us dinner and bring us coffee. He tells me she is his servant. The Indian wife yells back in Hindi and he pushes her, she falls into me and then I tumble into the wall and pout, rubbing my shoulder saying, “Bhupi, what is this?” He rushes to my side, helps me up and yells at her in Hindi. The Indian wife points at me and says that she will kill me. I tell my dearest Bhupi “I don’t want to see her face Bhupi. Bhupi, please kick her out, otherwise I will kick you out from my life!” He then smacks her and they argue more in Hindi. That’s it.

Each line is shot separately. In between takes, two different directors would give me conflicting instructions on where to look, how to say lines, what facial expressions to give, etc. Also, I would have my face powdered and my make-up retouched. It was extremely hot (like 100% and humid), especially under the lights. It took all my nerve not to burst into laughter at the entire affair, especially when I would catch Jeni’s eye. The people at the set, including the actors, thought I was a real actress, not just an American tourist staying in the Colaba district. We finished just after 11 pm, both Jeni and I were exhausted and ready to leave hours earlier. The only thing that kept us going was that we would never have to do anything similar in our entire lives!!! My agent, Nashir told me I was a natural and seemed genuinely pleased with my performance, he even tipped us and extra 100 rupees for having to stay so late and travel home by night. The entire experience was horrifically fantastic. Goal accomplished!

Jeeni, upcoming Bollywood star…